Answers!!!

After 3 months I finally got some answers to my back pain! I was beginning to lose hope, but my X-rays came back showing a curve in my spine...right where my pain is, my spine is pulling to the right. I was so relieved that I wasn't going insane, and now we can work or fixing the problem so I can put it all behind me!!!! ha ha Sorry I couldn't resist!

Wednesday was hard, but I'm through it! I am so grateful to Barbara Gray for continuing Mum's name...it's amazing how much therapy crafting can offer people.

Nothing else to talk about for now - I have my husband home safely from England for two weeks before he heads back again...I will make the most of his home time! Thanks for the continued support, and I will hopefully be back next week to say that the Valentine's Sale went well this weekend.

Until next time!

Another milestone...

February 4th - Mum's birthday! I am dreading tomorrow, partly for me, and partly for Dad. We both sailed through their 41st wedding anniversary without remembering until the close of the day, but this one has been sitting like a lump in our throats for a little while now.

I just saw a blog post by Barbara Gray that once again reduced me to tears. I've been struggling more recently than before. I watched the video of Mum, and it was lovely, but painful. I could hear the strain in her voice and the effects of the morphine which made her mouth so very dry (I found that out firsthand when I was on it for my shoulder!). It was probably made worse by the fact that I feel very alone right now - my wonderfully supportive husband is the other side of the world for a business meeting! Great timing huh?! ;)

My solution? I am running around like a headless chicken tomorrow! I have work, followed by counselling, then school pick up, before I head off to the Farmers' Market for the night to sell cards! I have the option of sending the kids for a sleepover, but I think I need to keep them close to me! I'll let you know how the market goes...hopefully it won't be a flop!!

As for my shoulder - that's healed completely, but remember my back issue that arose? Well let's just say I haven't managed to put it behind me yet!!! (Sorry I couldn't resist - laugh or cry situation!) Anyway, I was sent for x-rays today so hopefully they will yield some answers!?! In the meantime I'm great, as long as I don't turn around!!!

I'm still here...

I've been keeping busy with my family, cards, and work, but I still cry regularly for Mum. I miss her so much, I wish she was here to do this alongside me.

Things are still progressing with the cards...I've made quite a few custom cards over the last couple of weeks, and I've been investing in various different supplies...it''s been a fun challenge. My application to a Farmers' Market here was recently accepted so I am exceptionally nervous about my first day there on Wednesday - those of you who are the praying type...please pray it goes well!!! I have been building (yes you read that correctly) stands for my cards and will post photos once they are finished. Nothing fancy, just basic and practical! It's fantastic when you can make your own stuff and not have to pay exorbitant shipping fees for someone else's product.

My back is under the watchful care of my lovely chiropractor now...I see him twice a week and although it's painful when he's working on it, I think I am starting to see some changes for the better. I did however have another "whoops" moment! I am now officially a member of THAT club...

Treadmill 1 - 0 Nic

Yup, I fell off the treadmill, leaving half of the skin from my knee on the belt! Not entirely sure where my head was at the time, but clearly not where it should have been! hah! So now I'm nursing my knee as well as my back. I'm sure I never used to be this clumsy!

Finally, I swapped therapists and start seeing my new one tomorrow. The lady I used to see moved further away so after much thought, I swapped over to the guy my psychiatrist wants me to see...hopefully this will be an easy and smooth transition.

Right off to get more odd jobs done, but my next post should hold lots of photos of the market, my stand, and my work. Thanks for reading!

I've been busy!

So, I've been busy working away at my little "project", getting ready for my first public stand on February 8th. My life is very different now actually, which surprises me - the only thing that should have changed was losing Mum! I have left university for now to have some time to myself - a decision that was hard but paying off in dividends. I am able to focus on my family and my work, without having to rush to meet deadlines. I also get up between 5am and 6am every day - something that I have NEVER done unless jet-lagged! Believe me when I say that Mum waking me for school when I was younger was on par with waking the dead! I am also cooking more, and cleaning more...it's almost like Mum has had enough of watching me cut corners and has decided to take over my body!!!

Having said I'm not rushing to meet deadlines, the clock is going tick-tock in my ear, as I have to leave for work! I should have checked my recent posts to see what I've written, but don't have time, so at the risk of repeating myself...Cherished Creations is most definitely up and running! The website is www.cherishedcreations.ca and the Facebook page is HERE. I am spending some time testing ways to sell the cards, but think that perhaps farmers' markets and other events may be the way to go...time will tell.

Right I am off to work and then I have a lovely relaxing weekend ahead of me. I thank you all again for your continued support, and I promise the next post won't be rushed, and won't be such a long time coming!!!!

New Year, New Normal

Mum and Mini-me!

Ok I'm struggling to be upbeat and jovial about the New Year...I tried to be, but every time I start "Happy..." it feels so wrong. New Year lost its lustre a few years ago when I came to realise that I put so much pressure on myself to have everything perfect for the start of a brand new year, that I decided enough was enough, and it's just another year. The relief etc. was immeasurable, thus, we just don't make a big deal of it. In fact I must be old before my time...my husband and I hit the hay at 10:30pm! I did shed a few tears over "this is the first year without Mum" and "Mum was alive last year, but this year she never has been", until my husband pulled me up short and told me that the new year is just arbitrary and means nothing. Thank heaven's for a clear thinking spouse!

I have been the proud owner of a cracking headache for the last 3 days...I dare say migraine status seeing as I was feeling sick and couldn't move, thus confining myself to our bed for most of yesterday. I eventually overcame it with the help of Mr. Codeine! What caused it? Well I have a theory!!! I thought it would be a wonderful idea to plug in our hard drive and look at all my old photos...hmmmm, tears, pain, loud crying, and yup my headache ensued. Perhaps not quite ready!!!! I looked back and realised just how much Mum had changed by the end of her journey. She really was a remarkable person, and the world is a lesser place without her in it! In amongst the photos, I found this one (top of the page) which is one of my favourites. My daughter is perhaps one of the most photogenic people I have ever met...she is gorgeous inside and out, and I'm so immensely proud of her! Mum had such a special place in her heart for her because they would craft together...little did Mum know, but her Grandson also likes crafts as it turns out! ha ha Anyway thought I would share the special photo.

As per my title post - I am embarking on a new normal. The last few days have been stressful in deciding what to do etc. and I have decided to take leave from my after degree. I am craving some time to myself and I can't find the motivation to juggle so much again. I am so sad because I was due to teach in a local school and would be finding out which one, and which grade on January 16th. I just can't bring myself to leave my students again for reasons which ARE in my control. I wouldn't be happy if the teacher of either of my children did it, so how can I expect them to be okay with me doing it?! I have to say that I am looking forward to having some time to myself in the afternoons, without rushing to meet deadlines! Bring it on! 

Finally I wanted to say a HUGE thank you to everyone who has donated to the Make-A-Wish Foundation. We crossed the 1000 euro barrier and I know Mum would be so happy! Thank you! 

Right off to play with my puppy before I take him in to get his manhood/doghood removed! ho hum!

New venture

Well Christmas was hard! No surprises, but I have taken the time to throw myself into a new venture, or should I say adventure?! I have decided to set up a small business and start selling cards. I have no idea if this will work or not, but nothing ventured, nothing gained! I have a Facebook page up and running, and I am still working on the website...it's nothing if not time consuming! I can eventually be found at www.cherishedcreations.ca hopefully within the next few days to a week.

I wanted to say thank you to everyone who has contacted me and shown support over the last month - I cannot believe a month has gone by already. Mum has left a big void that I'm hoping to fill slightly with this. I have generally kept myself super busy so that I have very little time to stop and dwell...there have been the odd occasions as I have come across photos of her that send me into a tearful spiral. I swear it is getting harder, not easier, to deal with her dying. I have had to tell myself over and over that my mum has died so that I can get used to it and start to put one foot in front of the other. It's so hard to come to terms with the fact that I just have my dad left. Life is very different now, and it will be painful for a while, but at least I can look at what I'm embarking on, and smile knowing that Mum is right here with me helping me to get going!

Cards and Presents

I'm not sure why I haven't been writing - I think I just shut down for a bit. I have "met" so many new people over the last couple of months that I was feeling overwhelmed and needed a break from this, work, university, etc.

I have now finished university and work for the Christmas holiday. I managed a B+ for one course, and I'm still awaiting my grade for another...it's good enough given that I sat the final 36 hours after I returned from Spain! I have managed to wrap some presents, and make some cards. I had the honour of selling some at work prior to the Christmas break, and with the help of so many parents, I sent off a donation of $66 to Mum's donation page...I had more cards than I knew what to do with so I have now embarked on my own business - yup I've added something else to my plate! I decided that it was a healthy way of channelling my grief whilst remembering Mum as it was something we did together. It took me a while to come up with the name, but the logo was easy - I will explain all another day.

As for the grieving - I have learnt that there is no right or wrong way as I don't have a frame of reference. I saw my therapist today for the first time since Mum died, and she was great at assuring me that there is no "set path" and I had a right to feel angry and bitter that Mum went too soon. I was also told to allow myself to feel the loss instead of just saying others have it worse (i.e. Dad). I think I'm doing okay.

Anyway as a plus - I taught myself how to do nice bows on presents yesterday and the picture was the end result of the first attempt - I think Mum's creativity has gone into me. I have also just been sitting quietly and making card after card! I have to say that at a very depressing time in my life, it has be so uplifting to just sit and create...it's very cathartic and I can see why Mum set herself so many projects at the end. This was one of the cards that I made for a friend of mine...

...and this one was the birthday card that I made today for my niece...

Thanks again for the encouragement - I won't say that I will reply to all the messages now as I am loving the fact that I have 2 weeks where I'm not expected anywhere and nothing is being expected of me - it's been a while!
God Bless