My Bubble

Last night I spent some time talking to my husband about my feelings...not the kind that makes men groan, but my feelings relating to my mum.  Last night I sat on the couch at 9pm complaining that I still hadn't done my lesson plans for this week.  He couldn't understand why when I'd just had 4 days off!  Well...I explained the best I could:  I feel like my life is very surreal right now and I'm just drifting along without any real direction.  On the one hand, my life is exactly the same...nothing has changed.  My routine is the same, work is the same, the kids are the same...LIFE is the same.  Yet all of this exists inside of a very fragile bubble (this would be a different analogy than my shell...I like analogies! ha ha).  I can sort of see through it, albeit in a distorted fashion, and see life on the outside - where my mum is.  I was trying to explain that although I know it's going on there (outside of my bubble), I can't address it, because I'm scared stiff that my bubble will explode and everything will fall apart...my life along with it.  I know that sounds dramatic, but when I think about how I "managed" the first 2 days after the news, I am the polar opposite of that right now.  I'm functioning, and very well given the circumstances.  Just after the news, I didn't eat for the first 4 days, ate very little the days following that, kept crying at the drop of a hat, and basically fell apart. I just cannot function with the reality of the situation...it's too big, too overwhelming, and so very, very, sad.  I guess now would be a great time to say that it's also NOT FAIR.  I know, life isn't always fair, but it still doesn't take away the hurt. 

My husband was sad to hear this because much like me, he's worrying what's going to happen when it finally does hit...

P.S. I got my lesson plans done at 10pm!