Wednesday, 12 November 2014

Home and Heartbroken

Mum's walking stick...painted with love!
As the post's title states, I'm home, but heartbroken. I have just lived through the hardest day of my life to date, and I know there are worse days to come. I have now hugged my mum for the last time in my life...I will never again get to smell her perfume, hold her hand, cuddle her, or sit with her, and crippling doesn't explain the immense pain in my heart. I wish there was some way I could bottle those feelings so I could revisit them whenever I needed. Mum is at the end now, and as such I am respecting Dad's wishes to let him be alone with her throughout her last few days/weeks (whatever time it may be). Now it's just a case of waiting for the call, so I will be on edge every time the phone rings...just a reality of the situation we are in.

The trip home was HARD! I cried on and off pretty much for 30 hours straight. I used up all the tissues in the car on the way to the airport, all the tissues my friend gave me to get through the night, all the tissue at the airport (and had one gentleman from Air Canada running around trying to find me more at the gate), and lots thereafter. My nose is sore, and my eyes actually feel bruised!

Speaking of bruises are all finally starting to come out, and I feel my aches and pains slowly dissipating. My shoulder is sadly no better, so I am dreading what the Dr will say on Friday. This whole time I have never become bitter or angry at God - I am fully aware that bad things happen to good people, and as Mum said "why not me". That being said, I also know that He only gives people as much as they can handle...I am sitting here wondering why on Earth I am now dealing with my shoulder too?! I know it's a drop in the pond compared to the agony Mum is living through, but I just didn't need this too. I'm looking at months of intervention to get it back to normal, and I really could have done without it. I try not to be negative, but sometimes I feel like life just gets to be too much. I already have Mum, work, university, and family, so why oh why did I need this too?

On a more positive note, Mum lost her walking stick whilst on her way back from a trip with Dad a few months ago, so she asked me to paint her new one. I went to work and had such joy painting it in her favourite colour, and decorating it. She was immensely pleased with it, despite it probably never seeing any use...she uses a walking frame to get around. The end result was this...

It was fun, and actually therapeutic to do as I love art and crafts - nope the apple didn't fall very far from that tree!

This seems to be a never ending post - sorry! I will close, but thank you for al the wonderful messages and comments I've received via here, text, and Facebook. I am truly thankful for all the support and prayers that people have offered all of us. I will try to post on a regular basis now so I don't bore people with such long rambles in future! God Bless.