Our Final (?) "Selfie"

You know how the word "selfie" made it in to the dictionary? Well, Mum and I decided it was a must to take one this morning before it was too late and it was "one of those things that I should have done". We look happy, and this photo will be cherished for many years to come.

I'm back in Spain spending some more time with Mum, albeit very short. Time has not been our friend this visit and I am already leaving tomorrow with the feeling that I only just got here. This post is a hard one, and I shan't be announcing to Mum that I have done it...she feels that she is close and as such, this is likely the last time I will see her. I hope not, as I plan to return at the end, but as her throat keeps closing on her due to previous radiotherapy to the area, she regularly awakes in the night struggling to breathe, and believes that will be how she goes one day...never quite catching her breath. Despite the painful manner in which she would die, she would welcome this option as it would be relatively quick. I can't say I notice too much change in Mum, but I think that is down to the fact that no matter what happens to her, physically or emotionally, I still see through it and see my Mum! I don't see the walking frame, the sickness, the medications etc...they are just part of her current story.

Mum posted this on her page, so I know it's out there and not going to be offensive (she had previously said she was ashamed, but I think after my husband and I both assuring her that it was perfectly okay, she has embraced this change along with all the others). Anyway, Mum sleeps A LOT now...effects of the morphine as many of you will know. By a lot, I mean you can blink, and she's gone and fallen asleep again...wherever she happens to be at that moment in time! Sooooo, I was having a conversation with her yesterday when she suddenly dropped off to sleep. I quietly started reading and 10-15 minutes later she started up again where she left off! Never a dull moment in this house!

Lastly before I go, I've managed to share one last thing with Mum...drugs! Hah! Just over a week ago our puppy whimpered to go out at 7am, so I scooped him up and started down the stairs. I don't go slowly, and unfortunately for me my foot hit a plastic bag left on the stairs (by me of course!) and I landed on my back on the stairs. The pain was unbelievable down my spine, and as I couldn't move we had to call an ambulance. Morphine, Gravol (to stop me throwing up from the Morphine), and Tramadol later, I was sleeping soundly at the hospital! The result was a torn rotator cuff, but I can live with that seeing as we were worried about my back! I have my next appointment on Friday when they will assess my shoulder and decide whether I need an MRI/Ultrasound. Once they have that, they will decide if the tear will need to be fixed surgically. Alas, I'm now the one-armed bandit, and my husband is once again being amazing! So going back, each morning Mum picks up her tub of co-dydramol and says "here, have a sweetie!" ha ha. Perhaps you have to have our shocking sense of humour to laugh...