Denial...

So the denial continues, hence the lack of posts.  What do you write about when nothing is wrong?  I spent a little time with a family member this weekend talking about everything which helped.  I had a few tears, and also some laughs - talking is definitely the best medicine for me.  At least talking to the right people is.  I did go to counselling today which I had reasonable expectations for, but apparently I'm not considered "broken", so there is really nothing they can "fix".  I'm going through "anticipatory grief" and I just need to ride out the storm.  Don't get me wrong, I knew that, but I was expecting someone with some shred of medical knowledge to ride that roller coaster with me.  

My parents are currently in England, and I will be flying out on Wednesday to meet them for just under a week to go over plans etc. with them.  I am interested to see how I feel when I get there.  The thought of flying alone has completely overwhelmed me in previous days, as I'm confident that the plane will tank in the middle of the ocean, I will die alone, and my body will never be found!  I know it's irrational, but WELCOME TO ANXIETY! :)  Off to the doctors in the morning to get some Ativan to help with the flight and maybe, just maybe, I won't be quite so jet-lagged the other end if I get some decent sleep? 

This week is bittersweet...

• I get to go back to England, but under the circumstances it's kind of crappy
• I get to see my parents, but .... see above!
• I get to see my best friend, but...see above! ha ha See what I mean??

The worst part is that I have to leave my husband and kids behind.  I will miss my little guy crawling in to bed with me in the morning to snuggle up, and my daughter constantly coming up to tell me that she loves me.  Yes, I'm one of those parents who doesn't like going anywhere without my kids!  Sometimes as a parent you find that you need your children just as much as they need you, maybe more...this is one of those times.  They make me laugh when it's the furthest thing from my mind.  They also make me cry and despair, but that's a whole different story!!!