Bereavement Policies

This morning I had the joyous task of calling all of the airlines who fly to London from Canada, to find out if they have a bereavement/compassionate policy in place.  The verdict?  Virgin Atlantic - No, British Airways - No, Air Canada - Yes.  I will try Canadian Affair and Iceland Air later when I find the will-power to go through the wait times and the explanation again!  Air Canada will offer me flexible flights at an advanced purchase rate (whatever that price may mean!!) every time I wish to fly to see Mum.  I'm intrigued to find out what this rate is going to be for July (the peak travel time), as I have been quoted anywhere from $1400-1800 so far through the various airlines. 

Anyway, enough about flights...I'm feeling down, and have been for almost a week.  Don't get me wrong, life is good all things considered, but it's still hard at times.  I was talking to a friend the other day, and we were discussing how well another friend was coping with some changes.  This friend is carrying herself beautifully on the outside, despite being in turmoil on the inside.  It made me wonder what I must look like to others right now, and how my demeanour comes across?  I went back to work the day after the news, and have (for the most part) put a smile on my face and pretended nothing is happening.  For a select few, I have chosen to disclose my personal life, and have received some amazing support and prayers in return.  I don't like mixing my personal life with my professional life, so I have opted not to tell most people - my students have the wonderful ability to take my mind off everything anyway.  Then the days come where I just can't pick myself up, no matter how hard I try...today is one of those days.  My day has consisted primarily of the couch and my bed - I'm not needed for running around after my kids, so I have lots of time to sit and fester...not healthy at all let me tell you.  I want to go to the gym and have a productive day, but the mountain I have to climb to get there is just too big, and requires more energy than I have in the tank right now.  I've been strong for a while, and today I just don't want to be!  I want to curl up in a ball, let the shell break for a while, and cry.  Selfish I know, but I'm so scared that when my mum does come to the end (whether that is in 2 months, 5 months, or longer), I don't want to be hit so hard that I'm knocked out of the ball park.  I NEED to face the inevitable, but first I need to find the courage to do so - it's no easy thing to face.