Friday, 2 January 2015

New Year, New Normal

Mum and Mini-me!
Ok I'm struggling to be upbeat and jovial about the New Year...I tried to be, but every time I start "Happy..." it feels so wrong. New Year lost its lustre a few years ago when I came to realise that I put so much pressure on myself to have everything perfect for the start of a brand new year, that I decided enough was enough, and it's just another year. The relief etc. was immeasurable, thus, we just don't make a big deal of it. In fact I must be old before my husband and I hit the hay at 10:30pm! I did shed a few tears over "this is the first year without Mum" and "Mum was alive last year, but this year she never has been", until my husband pulled me up short and told me that the new year is just arbitrary and means nothing. Thank heaven's for a clear thinking spouse!

I have been the proud owner of a cracking headache for the last 3 days...I dare say migraine status seeing as I was feeling sick and couldn't move, thus confining myself to our bed for most of yesterday. I eventually overcame it with the help of Mr. Codeine! What caused it? Well I have a theory!!! I thought it would be a wonderful idea to plug in our hard drive and look at all my old photos...hmmmm, tears, pain, loud crying, and yup my headache ensued. Perhaps not quite ready!!!! I looked back and realised just how much Mum had changed by the end of her journey. She really was a remarkable person, and the world is a lesser place without her in it! In amongst the photos, I found this one (top of the page) which is one of my favourites. My daughter is perhaps one of the most photogenic people I have ever met...she is gorgeous inside and out, and I'm so immensely proud of her! Mum had such a special place in her heart for her because they would craft together...little did Mum know, but her Grandson also likes crafts as it turns out! ha ha Anyway thought I would share the special photo.

As per my title post - I am embarking on a new normal. The last few days have been stressful in deciding what to do etc. and I have decided to take leave from my after degree. I am craving some time to myself and I can't find the motivation to juggle so much again. I am so sad because I was due to teach in a local school and would be finding out which one, and which grade on January 16th. I just can't bring myself to leave my students again for reasons which ARE in my control. I wouldn't be happy if the teacher of either of my children did it, so how can I expect them to be okay with me doing it?! I have to say that I am looking forward to having some time to myself in the afternoons, without rushing to meet deadlines! Bring it on! 

Finally I wanted to say a HUGE thank you to everyone who has donated to the Make-A-Wish Foundation. We crossed the 1000 euro barrier and I know Mum would be so happy! Thank you! 

Right off to play with my puppy before I take him in to get his manhood/doghood removed! ho hum!